The Statist's Annotated Bible, Part I: The Beatitudes

Matt Eriksen
Aug 12, 2014 at 9:41 AM

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Even if you’re not a Christian as I am, you’ve probably heard Jesus’ Beatitudes (“Blessed are the…”).  What I’d like to do is present to you some of the Beatitudes (based on the NASB translation) if they were rewritten by a modern statist. Compare them to the original here.

Blessed are the poor in dollars. Take other people’s stuff and give it to them.

Exploited are those who mourn. Make sure you make them the face of whatever bill you want to pass in response to this tragedy.

Blessed are those who use force against others, for they shall control the world.

Mocked are merciful, for they are soft on crime.

Blessed are those who are pure in heart, so make sure the government bans porn and vulgar lyrics to keep them that way.

Suspicious are the peacemakers, for they will be called "unpatriotic."

Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness.  Send rockets over there to help them. Bombs always solve slaughter. (See immediately preceding teaching.)

Pitied are you when people insult and persecute you. Whine and become a victim, and demand special protections under the law so your feelings don’t get hurt.

My point through these illustrations is to show that Jesus was not a statist—nowhere in his actual teachings do you see Him saying “Run to Caesar! He will fix your problems!” Instead, it's to show the contrast. While modern statism is practically its own religion, we see Jesus calling us to depend on Him, each other, and personal responsibility for our well being—and look forward to the Kingdom that is coming rather than any government of this world.

(This post is first in a three-part series.)

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